Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
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