just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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