What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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