Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
