just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
