Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
