Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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