What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
