Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
