I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
