I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Randomize
