I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
