hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
