I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize