Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I need moral support for this bender
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Randomize
