Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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