If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
soo... how was my night?
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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