Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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