So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
