The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
