1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
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