Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
