I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
