He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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