Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
someone owes me an orgasm
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
