you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
