The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
