We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
