Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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