why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Pooping to opera.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
