im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Randomize
