I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Randomize
