Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
