you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
He better not be in your backpack
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I know her cup size but not her name....
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
