I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
