my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
