Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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