Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
