for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
