I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
