it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
