i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
