weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
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