I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
