Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
