Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
