dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
