Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
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