Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Michael Bay diarrhea
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
