I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
