I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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