So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
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