ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
it glows. i had to have it.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
