somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
