I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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