dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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