She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize