he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
