i think my mom watched the whole time
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize