i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
