I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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