it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
BRING THE BAGELS
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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