I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
