why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
