I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
