i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
