Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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