i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
