he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
