It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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