She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
