sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Randomize
