you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
