How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Randomize
