from now on my penis is your penis
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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