i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
