as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
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