Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
