Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize
