Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
