I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
