so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
