When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
