I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
