nut hugger
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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