The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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