I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
