I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
