You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Randomize
