Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize