Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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