i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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