A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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