Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
