I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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