I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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