Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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