I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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