I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
