I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
