He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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