I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
