And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
