i just wanna soil my oats bro
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
