Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
